My favorite thing about New Year’s eve is hearing and singing Auld Lang Syne. Heck, it is also one of my favorite things about It’s a Wonderful Life. I sing along every time. The song begins by raising a question that each of us must answer, and not just in general, but in particular with particular individuals: “Should auld (old) acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?—
Judging by the reminiscent words that follow, this is clearly intended to be a rhetorical question with a hearty “NO†as its answer. The encouragement is to lift a glass and toast auld lang syne, aka, “days gone by,†or what we call “the good ol’ days.â€
Rod Stewart Americanized the lyrics. The original lyrics are Irish-influenced very old English and harder to follow than Pig Latin. Following is Rod’s version:
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And the days of auld lang syne?For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet
For the sake of auld lang syneAnd surely you will buy your cup
And surely I’ll buy mine!
We’ll take a cup of kindness yet
For the sake of auld lang syneWe two have paddled in the stream
From morning sun till night
The seas between us Lord and swell
Since the days of auld lang syneFor old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should old acquaintance be forgot
For the sake of auld lang syne?For old acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind
Should old acquaintance be forgot
In the days of auld lang syne?For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet
For the sake of auld lang syne
The kind of friend the song references should not be forgotten but remembered with fondness. If you have paddled the streams with them from morning until night, if you have weathered life’s storms together, the new year is a great time to remember that, to remember them, to shoot a text or make a call.
If you are thinking about forgetting a person or three in 2023, of moving on from them, here is a few things to think on while you’re thinking…
Detox with care
I have seen more than a few folks on social media and heard a friend or two say that it is their intention in 2023 to get free of toxic people. I think that is a good idea if the person is indeed “toxic.†The Apostle Paul slapped a little warning label on toxic friendships that reads, “Do not be deceived: Evil company corrupts good habits.†(1 Corinthians 15:33, New King James Bible)
But what constitutes a “toxic†person? Webmd.com puts it in these terms, and their sentiments seem fairly universal, so far as I can tell: A toxic person is anyone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses and traumas. To do this, they act in ways that don’t present them in the best light and usually upset others along the way.
“Anyone who adds negativity and upset in your life?†Come on! Sometimes, you need a little negativity. Sometimes, you need a little upset. By that general definition, every parent who ever lived is toxic. So is every doctor who brought you bad news and every songwriter whose lyrics made you cry. This is the kind of definition that evolves from the failure of a philosophy that says the only thing that matters is your happiness. It is utter bullshit. Every person I know who lives only for himself is miserable. Every single one. That is never going to bring fulfillment or contentment. It is a bit of irony, but selfishness leads to sorrow, discontent, and a poor, pitiful me mindset.
“Many times, people who are toxic are dealing with their own stresses.â€
So, the idea is to abandon them? Hey, if they are hurting and that makes them mean or irritable or upsets you in some way, just kick their ass to the curb. You know, the way Jesus would. Right?
Forgive me, but that isn’t God telling you to give up on every person you find annoying or burdensome. That is selfishness, and selfishness will never lead to satisfaction. I guarantee.
So, what, then, is a toxic person, the kind you should separate from?
It is the person who is an influence for evil, for wrong, the one who intentionally tries to drag you into sin, even the sin of selfishness. All those people telling you that you have to put yourself first, ahead of everyone else, that you have to look out for number one and forget the needs of others? Yeah. THEY are toxic. Kick their lying asses to the curb. That person who willfully tries to bring out the worst in you, to take you down destructive paths? Separate yourself from that toxin.
A POV is a POV, not the gospel
Another thing to remember is this: Your point of view, like my point of view, is just that. It is the way we see things. Sometimes it is accurate, but not always. It has the limitations of perspective. We see things from where we are, and where we are does not afford us the vantage point to see everything. People or things obstruct our vision. Prejudice imperils our vision. Position restricts our vision.
Allow for the possibility that you are wrong about a thing, an event, or a person. Maybe you know the truth but not the whole truth. Or maybe what you know is your truth, which is an opinion, a point of view.
I have some work to do here.
People are weird
What is normal? Do we know? And if we do, do we want that? I thought we all wanted to be extraordinary in some way. (Of course, if everyone is extraordinary, then there is no ordinary and, consequently, extraordinary does not exist. It becomes ordinary.)
Go ahead. Find someone who isn’t “weird,†hang out with them this year, and then write me about how weird they got as time went by.
Many years ago, a friend of mine observed aloud, “Gene, when you say something you really like, you mouth it again immediately after you say it. No words. But I see your lips move through them. That’s weird.â€
I replied, “You blow your nose by putting a finger on the opposite nostril and blowing snot onto the ground. That’s weird, too.â€
He said, “Yeah. Let’s go to Dairy Mart and get a burger.â€
We are still friends. Well, we are also kin and we have not seen each other more than a few hours in the past 15 years, but we are friends.
You can be what you want and get what you need
What I mean by that is this: you can be the kind of person you want someone to be to you. You can be that person for others, rather than spending every waking hour worrying about how everyone sucks and no one can be trusted, and some people need to die horrible deaths for not being what you think they should.
Honestly, when I see someone talking about how everyone is subpar, I think that person has too high an opinion of herself (sorry, girls, protocol says I cannot just go around using male pronouns to mean everybody). They are not so much pointing out how humankind is so bad as they are indicating how wonderful they think you should think they are.
To quote my Dad, “Gag a maggot on a gut wagon.†There is purification in the personality that must always be adored, admired, or noticed. (And here I am writing this for the purpose of sharing it and wondering if I am just talking to myself again. God knows.)
Newsflash: the best people are not the ones pointing out the worst people. They are the ones lifting them, inspiring them, and quietly but consistently modeling for them a better way to be.
Be the person to others that you want others to be for you. Be what you want and get what you need. See?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot?
Yes. A few should. Release the pain, the trauma, the betrayal, whatever it was. Forgive them. Give them to Jesus. Pick up yourself, gather your courage, dust off, take a deep breath, and move on.
No. Most should be put into perspective. They should be celebrated because even the worst of them did something to bring out the better in you, even if it was only to show you the person you must never be.
Lift a cup of kindness still.
Happy New Year! God bless and keep you in 2023.