Encourage Yourself

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Mental Health Begins with You

Have you ever been at your wit’s end? Have you carried more than you can haul? Did you get to the point that nothing anyone could say helped?

Or

Have you ever been on the other side of the equation and served as the encourager rather than the one needing encouragement?

Have you run into someone who rejected encouragement? Everything you offered, they rejected. They have a case of the “yeah, buts,” or have sunk so deeply into depression, any light you shine only further blinds them. Anything you say only makes them feel worse, or more convinced nobody understands.

Holly’s depressed

Some people carry a burden few understand. My daughter Holly is one of them. Holly was born with Spina Bifida and that is just the over-arching name given for her afflictions. She also has sacral agenesis (no tailbone) and diastematomyelia, which means her spinal cord was split in two. She has two ribs fused and neurological damage to her lower extremities. She underwent surgery at three months of age. She went through a failed attempt at spinal reconstruction when she was six. Her bladder ruptured when she was a freshman in college, causing sepsis. We nearly lost her.

When she was maybe 14 or 15, she began to show interest in boys. Her friends had boyfriends. By 16, those friends were going on dates.

Holly is exceptional – her personality, beauty, intelligence, and maturity. But all of that is trapped in an imperfect body. This is not a thing the typical teenage boy – or grown-ass man – can overlook.

Honestly, I struggled throughout her life to provide the encouragement she needed. I struggled to help her avoid the mire – the quicksand – of self-pity. Why shouldn’t she feel sorry for herself? Everyone else felt sorry for her. No one could answer the “why” question to any comforting degree.

David’s depressed

King David of Israel is one of the transcendent figures in human history. He was a high achiever. He excelled at everything he did. He was a poet, a singer, and an author. He was also a warrior, a tactical genius, and an inspirational leader.

The soldiers that served with David loved him so much that when he expressed a desire for a better, more peaceful time when he could freely drink from the well at the city gate of Bethlehem (which was under siege by the enemy), three of his “mighty men” sneaked behind enemy lines and drew water from the well for their leader.

David was so affected that he could not drink the water. Instead, he made it an offering to God

Then the three mighty men broke through the camp of the Philistines and drew water out of the well of Bethlehem that was by the gate and carried and brought it to David. But he would not drink of it. He poured it out to the LORD. 2 Samuel 23:161

Imagine a man this popular stepping into a situation where the very people he served and loved wanted to kill him”¦

And it came to pass, when David and his men were come to Ziklag on the third day, that the Amalekites had invaded the south, and Ziklag, and smitten Ziklag, and burned it with fire; And had taken the women captives, that were therein: they slew not any, either great or small, but carried them away, and went on their way. So David and his men came to the city, and, behold, it was burned with fire; and their wives, and their sons, and their daughters, were taken captives. Then David and the people that were with him lifted up their voice and wept, until they had no more power to weep. And David’s two wives were taken captives, Ahinoam the Jezreelitess, and Abigail the wife of Nabal the Carmelite. And David was greatly distressed; for the people spake of stoning him, because the soul of all the people was grieved, every man for his sons and for his daughters: but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God. 1 Samuel 30:1-62

Less than a year passed between the gesture of David’s mighty men and the people calling for him to be executed. Just like those distraught people, David was suffering personal losses with his family members being captured by the enemy.

No one could identify with David in his loss. They suffered their losses, sure, but he bore the burden of responsibility for everyone, not just his family.

David encouraged himself

The king could have sunk into depression. He could have floundered and declared he didn’t know what to do next. He could have blamed God or others for the tragic events.

Instead, he took some time to weep. He allowed himself to mourn the loss, to experience the gamut of emotions. Then, he gathered himself, got up, and did what no one else could do for him: he encouraged himself.

Holly, meet David

It was in those emotional, confusing high school years Holly was struggling. The struggle was hard and deep. She could not pull herself up and I could not lift her. In desperation, I shared David’s story with her.

I told her, “David encouraged himself because no one else could do it for him.”

That is ultimately how it works. Others can pour into your life. Others can express love and show support. Others can give words of comfort or encouragement. Ultimately, the encouragement comes down to you”¦to your willingness to be encouraged.

Focusing on how bad things are will never make them better. Never.

Holly is 40+ today, married to a man who takes amazing to dizzying heights, and a business owner. She is a Social Media influencer, and an encourager of others who struggle with circumstances, especially physical problems.

I recently asked her if she remembered when I shared David’s self-encouragement. I remember feeling defeated that day because I didn’t think it helped. A few years later, she shared the difference it made in her mindset.

Still, that was years ago. I asked her to share what she remembered and thought about it today.

Following is what she wrote me:

Being vastly different from everyone else, my entire life really, has not always been the easiest road. When people first look at me, it’s probably shocking. Not only am I the height of most 5 year olds, I’m veryclearly not a 5 year old. My back protrudes out and my torso is extremely short in stature, to boot I carry these vibrant pink crutches and drive (sometimes rebelliously) on a scooter. So everything about me screams for attention, and while I’ve learned to put my guard up and smile to every person that notices justhow different I am – on the inside I’m almost always cringing, and hurting.

It’s been an exhausting 40 years and I’ve never really met any other person that quite understood just what I was going through. Most of my friends don’t have disabilities and the ones that do, unfortunately I don’t get to see or speak to regularly. So … it’s lonely. Very lonely. And as the only person in my family who is “different” – they too never quite understand just how hard my life has been, try as they might.

Luckily, actually – graciously, I had a father who poured life into me during every season of my life, even though he himself knew he could never fathom what it has been like for me. I remember one time in particular when he toldme that David (of David and Goliath) had to encourage himself at one point in his journey, because he knew no man on earth really understood what he was going through.

A story has never resonated with me more than this one.

My dad knew I couldn’t look to anyone else to make sense of any of this – so he gave me the Biblical wisdom of David, the one after God’s own heart, having to encourage himself as his mounting trials piled and piled against him.

And I do think that’s quite ok in the eyes of our God.

He knows all of us so intimately, and also understands just how lonely we all feel in bearing the crosses He’s given. But what I find the most hope in – is that my cross is so overwhelming, I have to turn to God about it. All of it, every part of it.

And I have to encourage myself in the process, too.

Duane’s Depressed

I just finished a Larry McMurtry biography. McMurtry struggled with depression and it came out in his stories, which were often bleak, and his characters, who frequently felt hopeless. One of his recurring characters was named Duane. We first meet him as a teen in small-town Texas in McMurtry’s breakthrough novel, The Last Picture Show. Years later, McMurtry, himself an older man, came to the end of Duane’s life in a book he aptly titled Duane’s Depressed.

Good Reads:

Surrounded by his children, who all seem to be going through life crises involving sex, drugs, and violence; his wife, Karla, who is wrestling with her own demons; and friends like Sonny, who seem to be dying, Duane can’t seem to make sense of his life anymore. He gradually makes his way through a protracted end-of-life crisis”¦3

McMurtry is maybe the greatest of all Texas authors. His impact on American literature – especially our understanding of the American West – is immense.

McMurtry was also a self-proclaimed Atheist. He would not give Duane or any of his characters more hope for meaning than he found himself. He could never guide them to encourage themselves in the Lord.

What about you? How do you encourage yourself? Or do you?

About Post Author

Gene

[email protected]

https://genestrother.com

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