Bitch at the Bottom

A country song reminds us to be self-aware rather than self-absorbed 

Keith Whitley died in 1989. He was at the top of his profession and on the leading edge of the 1980s Country Music revival. Featuring newcomers like George Strait, Garth Brooks, Clint Black, Randy Travis, the Judds, and a host of others, country music found its way back to its roots and into the hearts of a new generation of fans. Some have speculated that if Whitley, whose wife was Lorrie Morgan, another famous singer of the era,  had not died so young, he might have eclipsed Garth Brooks as the face of the 1980s and early ‘90s singers. Whitley died, however, of alcohol poisoning. He was only 34 years old.

Like thousands of others who view life from the pinnacle of a high-profile profession and self-destruct anyway, Whitley’s death reminds us that the challenges of life are real and indiscriminate. They seem most real, however, in two distinct places, one being the bottom, and the other being the top. 

Jamey Johnson, an Alabama-born country singer whose signature old-school style has garnered him a cult following but not a significant presence on the country radio playlist, recorded a song Keith Whitley wrote but never released. The song is titled Lonely at the Top (Bitch at the Bottom):

I was pourin’ out my troubles
To a stranger in the bar
About the problems and the pressures
On a country music star

Half braggin’, half complainin’
About the money and the fame
And just how lonely life can be
When you’ve made yourself a name

I said would you like a drink
He said thanks, I’ll have a double
I’ve worked up a powerful thirst
Just listening to all your troubles

And while he makes that drink
I’ll smoke one if you got ’em
It might be lonely at the top,
But it’s a bitch at the bottom

I left a hundred on the table
And didn’t wait around for change
With my load a little lighter
And my thinking rearranged

That stranger made me realize
How thankful I should be
And if I forget I hope those words
He said come back to me

I said would you like a drink
He said thanks, I’ll have a double
I’ve worked up a powerful thirst
Just listening to all your troubles

And while he makes that drink
I’ll smoke one if you got ’em
It might be lonely at the top,
But it’s a bitch at the bottom

My favorite line in the song, besides the obvious “bitch at the bottom†phrase is this one: 

Half braggin’, half complainin’
About the money and the fame
And just how lonely life can be
When you’ve made yourself a name

False humility is foolish pride

God deliver us in 2023 from the “humble brag.†Deliver us from being like Garth Brooks. You have seen him, right, with his hat over his heart and his head bowed, acting like “Gosh, shucks, I can’t believe you people wanted to see little ol’ me on stage�

Puke.

False humility is the worst kind of pride, and naming all the trials you face because of how important and high and mighty you are is the worst kind of false humility. Nobody cares, even if they do politely listen, nod, and pretend to care about the troubles associated with being singularly great.

Remember this: when you make it all about yourself, not only do you demand the spotlight, you throw whomever you are communicating with into the shadow. When you promote yourself, you demote others. When you elevate yourself, you demean others.

Let’s not be the jackass who has to be the bride at every wedding and the corpse at every funeral. Let’s not be that guy! Moreover, let’s not be the person who humble-brags about the load we carry because of our lofty state.

About a year ago, I listened to a speaker who had come to inspire a group of us to be better at being whatever it was we were supposed to be. The way he did it was by bragging about all the things he did because he had all this money and was able to live his best life. If we would use his formula, we could be like him. That was the gist.

I don’t know about the others, but I thought, “I do not want to be like you. If I was like you, I would want to be like someone else – someone real, someone reachable, someone invested in something besides himself.â€

Maybe that person or those people you are trying to impress are carrying a real burden. Maybe they are hurting in a way you can only vaguely remember from your time at the bottom.

Let’s be honest here. Almost everyone who is a winner has been a loser. Everyone who has succeeded at something meaningful and worthwhile has failed, too. Anyone who claims to always win at everything is full of something smelly. Moreover, the braggart has no idea what a bore he is because most people are too “polite†to tell him. They just talk behind his back.

I have something to say…to me

Maybe I am writing this blunt note to myself and just inviting you to peek at it. I will tell you this: I have bottomed out a few times in my life – financially, professionally, and personally.

As it turned out, 2022 was a year of extremes for me. On July 4th, I had a heart attack. The Lower Anterior Descending artery (the widow-maker) was 99% clogged. The surgeon that implanted stints told my family he was not sure how I didn’t die before I got to the hospital and into surgery.

Well, I didn’t die. I lived. And I was promoted to President of the company where I work. 

Extremes.

I feel these words acutely as I prepare to put this year to bed and welcome 2023: It may be lonely at the top, but it’s a bitch at the bottom.

I pray that in 2023 I will be willing to share the glories of success and shoulder the burden of failure. I pray that I will make room in the conversation for others, and that I will not seek the spotlight but shine it on them. I pray that my humility will be genuine, my pride contained, and my heart ever grateful, remembering that “Every good act of giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of shifting.†(Epistle of James 1:17. Berean Study Bible) (In other words, God is consistent and has no ulterior motives.)

The lucky dogs do it better

The fleshly tendency is to handle failure like this: “It’s not me; it’s you.†

Conversely, we handle success this way: “It’s not you; it’s me.â€

In fact, we ought to do the exact opposite. That is where true humility lives. It is not pretending to be humble so that we gain the applause or the plaudits of others. It is applauding others! It is remembering where you came from and all of the people who played a role in getting you where you are. Some played a starring role. Others played a supporting role. In either case, you are not where you are without them, nor without the favorable circumstances that carried you along.

In Scientific American, Scott Barry Kaufman wrote a 2018 article with the title The Role of Luck in Life Success is far greater than We Realize.

He wrote:

In recent years, a number of studies and books–including those by risk analyst Nassim Taleb, investment strategist Michael Mauboussin, and economist Robert Frank– have suggested that luck and opportunity may play a far greater role than we ever realized, across a number of fields, including financial trading, business, sports, art, music, literature, and science. Their argument is not that luck is everything; of course talent matters. Instead, the data suggests that we miss out on a really importance piece of the success picture if we only focus on personal characteristics in attempting to understand the determinants of success.

Don’t think good fortune, luck, blessings, or whatever you call it played a role in your success? Think again. Whether it was the good fortune to be born into a family where you received nurture, encouragement, and support or it was people God placed in your life to mentor you or being in the right place at the right time, something, or more likely, a myriad of things were instrumental in getting you to where you are.

Go on and take the credit you deserve for taking advantage of these things, for persevering, for rolling those dice, but give credit where it is due, too.

Look ahead with purpose

If in 2023, you find yourself lonely at the top, remember it’s a bitch at the bottom. Invest in someone in need of a friend. Forget the handout. Give them a hand up. Ask nothing in return. Do it because you know it is right to do unto others as you would want to be done to you. Do it for all of those who did it for you. 

Happy New Year! Here’s to your success without the loneliness.