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Another Breakfast with Billy Wayne and Joe Eddy
Dateline: October 2, 2024, 6:30ish AM
Joe Eddy (Stirring Splenda and half-and-half into his coffee): Speaking of speaking, anytime I hear in a sermon or speech the phrase “and in conclusion” I assume the whole thing has been painfully boring and even the speaker is thinking about a mercy killing by that point.
Billy Wayne (incredulously watching the process): Do you have to ruin a perfectly good cup of coffee every morning?
Joe Eddy: No great speech or written communication ever concluded with “and in conclusion.” Did Abe Lincoln say, “and in conclusion” in the Gettysburg Address? Did Jesus sum up The Sermon on the Mount that way or did David end Psalm 23 with it?
Billy Wayne: The point of drinking coffee is to drink coffee. If you wanted chemicals and sugar, you should order Corn Flakes.
Lucille the Waitress: He has a point, you know. I mean, I know it is rare enough that he does but you are ruining my masterpiece by stirring other stuff into it.
Billy Wayne: Thank you. For once, you have added value to the morning.
Lucille the Waitress: (Warms up Billy Wayne’s cup and wags her head at Joe Eddy.)
Joe Eddy: I have no idea what the preacher was droning on about Sunday. But when he said “and in conclusion” I muttered “about damn time.” My ribs are still sore from the sharp blow of Marley’s elbow.
Billy Wayne: Think I’ll have eggs this morning.
Lucille the Waitress: Bacon or sausage? Hash browns or grits? Toast or biscuits and gravy?
Billy Wayne: Give me the first thing mentioned in each of those pairings.
Lucille the Waitress (eyeing Joe Eddy):
Joe Eddy: See, the thing is this: there is no need to announce you’re about to conclude. Those who do so are never about to conclude. They are going into damage control. They are gonna buzz the landing strip a few more times in a desperate attempt to capture the attention of the people they have bored into submission. All they see is glazed eyes and drool and they think they can snap the people outta the coma they induced by saying “and in conclusion.”
Billy Wayne to Lucille the Waitress: He’ll have the same.
Twenty minutes later.
Joe Eddy: This was a fine breakfast. You regaled me with your insightful commentary and I thank you.
Billy Wayne: And in conclusion, it’s your turn to pay.