The Pessimist's Version of the Old Adage

Have you ever been peppered by the well-meaning "old adage" as a means of getting you out of the mulligrubs? Maybe you are enjoying your mulligrubs. Maybe you don't want to be cheered just yet. Maybe there is a cathartic element to grumpiness that some eternally annoying optimists will never understand.

So, I reworked some of the old standbys to better suit your mood...


If at first you don't succeed, you probably just suck.

It ain't over 'til it's over, unless it was over before it began.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight. Wait! What kind of dog is it?

It'll all come out in the wash. Now where did I leave that ink pen?

Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but you will have to start all over again tomorrow.

It's not whether you win or lose, but they're still keeping score.

The harder I work, the luckier my boss gets.

Love is blind...and deaf...and dumb.

You never know until you try, but you're probably better off not knowing.

Aim high...or go ahead and shoot yourself in the foot. Same difference.

The hard part's over. Here's your Viagra prescription.


Now, these are just a few that come to my mind. Feel free to share reworks of your own favorite inspirational idioms, adages and triteness.