Seven Steps to Becoming A One-Income Family (With Apologies to Autumn Giusti and Fox News)

I was perusing the news on the Internet this morning when I saw this headline: Seven Steps to Becoming a One-Income Family. I immediately understood the intended gist of the article. It was meant to help couples figure out how to trim expenses and whatnot in order to get their budget to a one-income accommodation point. The title struck me a little differently, however; and I decided to use it myself and take it in another direction entirely.

So, with apologies to Ms. Autumn Giusti, here is my own version of Seven Steps to Becoming a One-Income Family:

  1. Buy into that age-old load of crap that the Democratic party is for "the little guy," and the Republicans only care about the rich. (Truth be told, both parties lie down with wealthy donors and have their ears bent by the rich and powerful far more than by Joe Plumber or any other Average Joe.) Still, the Republican party is generally business-friendly, and that is good for business.
  2. Join the millions chanting stuff about the "change we need" while cheering wildly as international superstar, bestselling author, and political sensation B.O.  takes the stage.
  3. Vote a straight Democrat ticket, even if the candidate is that proverbial Yellow Dog...or, at least, vote for Barack Obama.
  4. Watch while your Hero subsidizes Big Business, "stabilizes" financial institutions that deserve to fail, socializes medicine, and becomes America's largest auto manufacturer.
  5. See the fear in your boss's eyes when he realizes you will soon cost him more in taxes and mandatory insurance provisions than you are worth.
  6. Get your pink slip.
  7. Stand in line with the millions of other unemployed Americans who sold the American way and the American Dream for the promise of a Big Brother who would look out for you and never let you fall.

Congratulations! You are now a one-income family. Vote the same way in 2012 and you might even get to be a no-income family.

Wonder how that article will read?