The world has too long been plagued by the burden of the New Year’s resolution;
Said resolutions are always made with the best of intentions and the highest of hopes
Most NY resolutions fail to make February
I have seen enough of failure to keep promises to oneself
Be it hereby known to one and all that in 2014 I am declaring a New Year’s REVOLUTION.
I declare my ten 2014 Revolutionary acts:
In 2014, I will…
- Eat more bacon…and chicken fried steak
- Consume more Dr. Pepper
- Watch more All in the Family reruns
- Be more selective–and effective–with my cussing
- Write at least one letter protesting those infernal and unconstitutional red light cameras
- Laugh at liberals
- Find new and better ways to express my feelings for Jerry Jones
- Find new and better ways to express my feelings for Barack Obama
- Watch more football
- Addendum: Watch more baseball, basketball, and hockey
- Smoke better cigars
I feel pretty good about my list. What things would you put on yours?
Make 2014 the best year yet. Happy New Year!