Seven Steps to Becoming A One-Income Family (With Apologies to Autumn Giusti and Fox News)
I was perusing the news on the Internet this morning when I saw this headline: Seven Steps to Becoming a One-Income Family. I immediately understood the intended gist of the article. It was meant to help couples figure out how to trim expenses and whatnot in order to get their budget to a one-income accommodation point.
The title struck me a little differently, however; and I decided to use it myself and take it in another direction entirely.
So, with apologies to Ms. Autumn Giusti, here is my own version of Seven Steps to Becoming a One-Income Family:
- Buy into that age-old load of crap that the Democratic party is for “the little guy,” and the Republicans only care about the rich. (Truth be told, both parties lie down with wealthy donors and have their ears bent by the rich and powerful far more than by Joe Plumber or any other Average Joe.) Still, the Republican party is generally business-friendly, and that is good for business.
- Join the millions chanting stuff about the “change we need” while cheering wildly as international superstar, bestselling author, and political sensation B.O. takes the stage.
- Vote a straight Democrat ticket, even if the candidate is that proverbial Yellow Dog…or, at least, vote for Barack Obama.
- Watch while your Hero subsidizes Big Business, “stabilizes” financial institutions that deserve to fail, socializes medicine, and becomes America’s largest auto manufacturer.
- See the fear in your boss’s eyes when he realizes you will soon cost him more in taxes and mandatory insurance provisions than you are worth.
- Get your pink slip.
- Stand in line with the millions of other unemployed Americans who sold the American way and the American Dream for the promise of a Big Brother who would look out for you and never let you fall.
Congratulations! You are now a one-income family. Vote the same way in 2012 and you might even get to be a no-income family.
Wonder how that article will read?
The Man Who Would Be King: Lessons From The LeBron-a-Thon
You can breathe again, America. Your King, LeBron James, has finally revealed where he will hold court. He is abdicating his Cleveland throne and accepting the position of cup-bearer to Duane Wade, the Sultan of South Beach.
Yes...We Are
If you, like me, tuned into ESPN’s ridiculous broadcast dubbed “The Decision,” then undoubtedly, you can see, like me, the handwriting on the wall. This has to be a sign of the imminent collapse of American society. Visions of Nero and nobles entangled in ghastly orgies, gorging on the delights of the flesh while their very existence crashes down like the stone walls they built to protect themselves.
That a 25 year old superstar—one that has failed to deliver a single championship in seven seasons in a league where one truly transcendent superstar is pretty much all it takes—can hold hostage the world’s largest sports network, turn them into his yipping lap dog, become the talk of a nation, and cause such elation in one place and anguish in another is a clear indication that we have lost our way.
Never in the annals of American history has there been a more ego-laden, shameless display of narcissism.
What have we learned from the Summer of LeBron?
Glad you asked. We have learned a few things…
ABOUT OURSELVES
There was a time when the American ideal of hero included at least the appearance of humility. We appreciated the “aw shucks” quality of a man who seemed humbled by the attention lavished on him. We liked team players who deflected praise to the lesser beings around them, even if we all knew who really made the thing work.
Now, we seem to be just fine with a hero referring to himself in the third person, congratulating himself on turning around a team and a community, touting his own talent, and generally leading us in the worship of himself.
I know. This kind of thing is nothing new. I remember Cassius Clay, aka Muhammad Ali. I am aware of Terrell Owens. Heck, even Dizzy Dean said, “It ain’t braggin’ if you can back it up.”
Still, it is sickening when the one whose praises are sung by millions is leading the chorus.
ABOUT ESPN AND THE STATE OF JOURNALISM IN GENERAL
They call themselves “the worldwide leader in sports,” and so they are. ESPN has no peer when it comes to comprehensive sports coverage and that’s a fact. Bristol, Connecticutt, the place they call home, is the epicenter of all things sports.
So, how sad was it to see four professional sports journalists interview LeBron King, listen to his self-congratulatory responses to their questions, and never, not even once, challenge him? They never once took exception to his arrogance. They never once questioned his integrity. They never once probed him about why he would make the announcement about his free agency decision on such a stage.
How could they? They had crawled into bed with him. They were there to kiss his royal ass and boy did they pucker up.
ESPN types long ago dubbed LeBron “King James” and they may as well have lowered themselves to their knees and bowed before him.
Call them LeBron’s bitch. Call them sports whores. Call them pathetic. Call them ridiculous. Call them a cheap imitation of TMZ. Call them a reflection of society. Call them a sign of the Apocalypse. Call them spineless girly-men. Call them idolaters. Call them shameless capitalists.
Just don’t call them journalists.
ABOUT LEBRON
There is no challenging his talent. People have known he was insanely talented since before he hit double digits in age. That, my friend, is part of the problem. LeBron James is the pathetic Frankenstein created by sports journalists’—and the American sports fan’s— need to identify the next great thing as early as possible.
I am not excusing him. I believe in personal responsibility. A spoiled rotten brat does not have to remain one. He could have grown up. He could have surrounded himself with experience and wisdom, rather than his posse. He could have sought the wisdom of someone who had an ounce of it.
He never did.
LeBron James is everything that is wrong with professional sports. He is proof-solid that making mega-millionaires of men who are barely men, men who have talent but no internal compass or integrity, men who are ill-fit to be role models or pop icons is a bad idea.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE
Worthy of your praise
Keep your eye on Stephen Strasburg.
The Washington Nationals’ flame-throwing rookie pitcher responded to talk about putting him in the All-Star game by saying he did not belong there and that it would be cheating the game to put him there when he has had so few starts at the major league level.
Aw shucks. Really? C’mere. Give us a hug.
Strasburg appears to be everything LeBron will never be…
A breath of fresh air and hope for a brighter sports day.
Merle Haggard, Barack Obama, Rainbow Stew, Utopia, and Easter
Eatin’ rainbow stew in a silver spoon,
Underneath that sky of blue.
We’ll all be drinkin’ free bubble-ubb,
An’ eatin’ that rainbow stew.
Not quite, Merle
Reading the news —and the divergent opinions— regarding health care reform and the general direction of the country, that old Merle Haggard tune came to mind. It reminded me to beware the governmental promise of Utopia.
For millennia, across oceans, on every continent, mankind has sought the best way to build a peaceful and prosperous life for himself. Every form of government imaginable has been tried, from despotism to theocratic monarchies to communism to democracy. Some have gone better than others; but none has been perfect. Each has been marred by failure. Most have trudged down a rough road to ultimate collapse and oblivion— a road paved with good intentions, high hopes, and empty promises.
America now stands at a crossroads. Two very different groups— each pointing in the opposite direction— say they know the way. If we will just believe, behave, and follow, we will find joy, peace, and prosperity. While I decidedly favor one group’s ideals over the other, I do not believe that either will lead us to a place free of conflict and crisis.
As much as I revere the men who founded and shaped America— men of vision, insight, and utter greatness; men with names like Jefferson, Franklin, Adams, and Washington— I do not place my ultimate hope for peace and meaning to my life even in the document they forged or the legacy they left.
As great as I believe the United States Constitution to be, there is a collection of writings as superior to it as the heavens are high above the earth. It is the Book that influenced the lives of most of those men so profoundly as to impact the kind of nation they envisioned, the kind of government they desired, the kind of freedom for which they yearned.
As we approach the event that separates the Founder of Christianity from every other religious leader the world has known, I am reminded that real peace only comes through and from the Prince of peace and true prosperity is measured by eternal measures and not temporal.
Nations rise and crumble. Governments come and go. Mouths that declare their own wisdom today are silenced tomorrow.
But Jesus lives…and because He does, hope and love will never die. And that reminds me of another tune…
Happy Easter.
Goodbye and Good Riddance
The Year That Was
One of the annoyances on FaceBook and Twitter and other places where people put their best foot forward (like church) is the penchant some have to insist that every day is a great day. Everyone knows that it just isn’t true.
It isn’t true for anyone.
If every day was a great day, if every sandwich or every football game or every date or every Christmas gift was “great,” the word great would cease to exist. It has no meaning. If everything is great, then nothing is great. Don’t you see that? “Great” is a comparative, qualitative condition. Its overuse weakens its meaning until it has no meaning.
Every day is NOT a great day. Some days are full of trouble and trials and heartache. You can smile your way through them if that is your personality or way of dealing with adversity. Fine. Smile. But don’t try to shove that lie about how great it is down the world’s gullet.
We aren’t buying it.
Let me go a step further. Not every year is particularly great, either. Take 2009, for instance. Please…take it, stick it in the history books, and let it go the way of the world. It was, in so many ways, a simply terrible year. Consider…
- The worst election result in the history of the United States—a result so devastating that it may be the election to which we one day point and say, “There began the slow death of American democracy as we knew it.”
- The collapse of massive financial institutions, causing a near-depression like economic downturn.
- The government bailout and takeover of banking institutions and the nation’s largest auto maker.
- Rampant unemployment.
- The ever-deepening divide between conservatives and liberals, to the point that the most sweeping legislation in generations will become law with the support of just one party, and not a single member of the other.
- The erosion of Christian influence in a nation founded on our very principles, spurred by the beliefs and practices of the closet Muslim in the Oval office, whose claim to “Christianity” is that he attended Jeremiah Wright’s church.
- Tiger Woods
- David Letterman
I know some will read this and be aghast. How can a former pastor write such things? Anathema! He has gone to the Devil.
Oh, shut up.
Did you ever read the Psalms? Was David always upbeat and cheerful? Did he meet every day with that fake smile and pretend he was rejoicing? Nope. Some of his writings were intensely painful, fraught with doubt, cries for help, expressions of hopelessness. And why? It is what he felt. So why lie about it? Why put on the mask and play the game? God knows the truth anyway.
Wasn’t Jeremiah the “weeping prophet?” Did that make him a weak believer? Didn’t Solomon write a little book called Lamentations?
I am no David (well, actually that is my first name) or Jeremiah or Solomon, to be sure. Nor am I always honest and forthright. Sometimes, I speak up when I ought to shut up and others, I shut up when I ought to speak up. Sometimes, I am right. Others, I am wrong. Sometimes, I am neither right nor wrong, because not everything is as black and white as we want to believe.
So, take this with a grain of salt. If 2009 was a great year for you personally, then hallelujah and eat your black-eyed peas. For me, personally, I say…
Goodbye. And good riddance.
Happy New Year!
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The JourneyMan by D. Gene Strother is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
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